but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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