She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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