Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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