I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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