Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
