As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
