I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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