i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
