i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
