Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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