You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
