aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
