Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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