Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
