I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
