i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
