god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
