Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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