I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
