I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
