I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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