sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
