Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
