fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
