somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
only if we run a train.
done.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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