by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize