My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
