Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
