she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
