dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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