Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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