May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
