she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
