I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
