So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
