We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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