he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
