i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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