My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
