I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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