I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
