put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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