Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
