i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
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If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
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remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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