we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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