I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
