There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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