The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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