ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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