they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
