So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
