Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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