hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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