I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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