I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
