yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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