You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
