you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
