so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
