I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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