he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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