One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
