suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
