Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
