My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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