Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize