Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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